Why fake it til you make it is really bad advice

SHAKING THE TREE #120

Photo by James Lee on Unsplash

The following post first appeared here on Substack in July of 2023.

Don’t really know what you’re doing?

Fake it ’til you make it (FITYMI).

Don’t really have the chops or the smarts?

Fake it ’til you make it.

Finding that you lack certain skills and specialist knowledge?

Fake it ’til you make it.

After all, if you can talk yourself into a good situation it ought to be relatively easy to talk yourself out of a bad one, right?

With enough chutzpah and flash, anyone can do anything, yes?

Er? Not necessarily.

While having a certain level of confidence in your skills and abilities is one thing, being overconfident and completely lacking any skills and bluffing your way through regardless is a bad idea.

At some point, the wheels will begin wobbling, you’ll find yourself in way over your head, at eventually everything is likely to go to shit. All of which usually happens when the faker/maker is both least prepared for it, and ill equipped to do anything about it.

The advice of FITYMI is given to anyone trying to achieve something new or difficult in a short period of time. Now, on the face of it there’s nothing wrong with projecting an air confidence.

And for a small group of people, the strategy actually works because they exude so much confidence that no one questions their lack of experience or skills.

The idea is that if you act with enough confidence and you’ll appear knowledgeable and capable—even if you don't feel that way deep down inside—and that you’ll eventually start to believe in your abilities and that your confidence will become genuine.

But let’s not get too cocky, eh?

Let’s not let our big fat head get in the way too much.

First, a FITYMI mentality can lead to burnout.

If you're constantly pretending to be something you're not, FITYMI can be exhausting and eventually you'll start to feel resentful.

Second, and as odd as this might sound, FITYMI can lead to imposter syndrome. Think about this for a moment: if you're constantly worried that people will find out you're a fraud, won’t it be hard to focus on your work and achieve your goals?

Third, FITYMI is disingenuous.

If you make promises that your skills and abilities can solve problems and dramatically improve someone’s life that you then cannot fulfill, you let people down and you make yourself look foolish and untrustworthy.

If your grand claims repeatedly create unrealistic expectations without substantial evidence or intention to fulfill those promises, you’ll eventually lose out and run out of both luck and options.

But it gets worse because despite starting out with oceans of confidence, your FITYMI mindset can also generate:

1. A lack of authenticity: embracing the FITYMI approach often means presenting a false image of oneself or pretending to possess skills or knowledge that one doesn't actually have. This lack of authenticity strains personal and professional relationships alike, undermining trust when others discover the discrepancy between the projected image and the actual abilities or expertise.

2. The risk of misrepresentation: acting as if you have knowledge or skills that you don't possess can lead to misrepresentation in professional settings. This can have negative consequences, such as delivering subpar work, making mistakes that could have been avoided with proper knowledge, or compromising the success of projects or teams.

3. A lack of growth and learning: by pretending to have expertise or knowledge, individuals may miss out on valuable opportunities for growth and learning. Acknowledging areas of improvement and seeking genuine learning experiences allows for personal development and the acquisition of genuine skills that can lead to long-term success.

4. Increased stress and pressure: constantly pretending to be something or someone you're not can create significant stress and pressure. The fear of being exposed or the burden of maintaining a facade can take a toll on mental health and overall well-being.

5. Ethical considerations: in some cases, "faking it" can cross ethical boundaries, particularly in professions where honesty, integrity, and trustworthiness are paramount. Misrepresenting qualifications, credentials, or experience can lead to legal and ethical consequences.

While self-confidence and positive mindset are important, it's better to focus on genuine self-improvement, personal learning, and seeking appropriate support or guidance when necessary.

Authenticity, integrity, and a commitment to continuous growth tend to yield more sustainable and fulfilling long-term results.

A better approach is to "think it as you become it." (TIAYBI)

TIAYBI is about setting reachable, attainable personal or professional goals (getting a promotion, writing a book, launching a website, and so on) and then focusing on taking daily and measurable actions or developing the skills and knowledge you need to first hit and then move beyond that goal.

The thinking is that each small step and action reinforces and underpins the previous action—even if that means needing to go back a step or two in order to move forward—all of which cumulatively moves you closer and closer toward whatever you’ve set your mind on.

When you take action—even if whatever you’re doing isn’t perfect (and let’s remember that perfection is the enemy of done)—you make gentle forward-facing progress through which you begin building natural confidence and experience that you don’t have to fake.

And as you build confidence and experience, you'll start to believe in yourself more and more.

Here are a few tips for TIAYBI:

1. Set realistic goals and slow down. Trying to do too much too quickly will wear you out. Start with small goals that you know you can achieve, and then gradually work your way up to bigger goals.

2. Break it down: Breaking down your goals into smaller steps that are easier to work on makes them easier to work on. Trying to do too much too quickly is a recipe for failure and disappointment. Slow your roll.

3. Find a mentor or role model. Someone out there has already done what you want to do. Find them and emulate (but do not copy) their example success. This person has already achieved what you want to achieve can offer guidance and support.

4. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and failure is usually our best teacher. The thing about screw ups is to make them and to recover from them as quickly as possible so we can move on.

5. Celebrate your successes. When you achieve a goal, take the time to savour it and to celebrate your success. This will help you to stay motivated and focused on your goals.

The power of TIAYBI lies in its combined impact on your ability and willingness to take action based on your thoughts and beliefs.

While your mindset can greatly influence your actions and outcomes, it’s essential to approach TIAYBI with a mixture of optimistic caution and critical thinking because although positive thinking and self-affirmation can boost your confidence and motivation, they’ll never replace genuine effort, skill development, and realistic
goal-setting.

Simply thinking or envisioning yourself as successful without taking tangible steps towards growth and improvement isn’t enough.

Presenting a false image or pretending to possess knowledge and abilities that we do not possess can erode trust, strain relationships, and have detrimental consequences.

Honesty, integrity, and a commitment to genuine growth and learning are vital foundations for sustainable success.

Ultimately, a balanced approach that incorporates both positive thinking and realistic action is key.

By cultivating a mindset that combines optimism with practicality, we can harness the power of our thoughts while remaining grounded in reality.

By setting realistic goals, seeking continuous learning opportunities, and working diligently towards our aspirations, we can empower ourselves to become the best versions of ourselves.

While thinking it as we become it can be a valuable tool in our personal and professional journeys, it’s crucial to supplement our thoughts with genuine effort, integrity, and a commitment to ongoing growth. In doing so, we can navigate the complexities of life with authenticity, achieve true personal fulfillment, and make a positive impact in the world around us.

As always, thanks for reading.

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P.S. Next time on Shaking the Tree … Writing tips from Kurt Vonnegut.