Why you need to stop apologizing

Gary Bloomer | SHAKING THE TREE #169

Being sorry … it’s a British thing. Sorry about that.

I’m no longer sorry for being sorry.

I used to be much sorrier—but these days, not so much.

Sorry.

Over the years and for countless reasons I’ve found myself apologizing for all sorts of things, even though much of it wasn’t my fault.

I think it’s a British thing.

That’s not to imply that I won’t apologize when I am in the wrong—which I often am—but what it does mean is that these days, I’m less sorry for existing—again, it’s a British thing—because frankly, it’s as exhausting as it is demoralizing.

We've all said the wrong thing to the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. We’ve all had a minor mishap, or a we’ve missed deadline, or we’ve misunderstood something or someone.

And in most of these situations, our automatic response has been to deliver a heartfelt apology. Which is OK, to a degree. But sometimes, it’s less necessary than we believe it is.

While it's always important to acknowledge our mistakes and oversights, and while taking responsibility and holding ourselves accountable is ethically and morally the right thing to do, it's equally important that we avoid excessive apologizing.

Constant apologies undermine your self-worth and project an image of weakness.

Relentless apologies also dilute the impact of genuine apologies when they're truly necessary.

Your need to apologize does all sorts of long term damage to your personal credibility, because by apologizing you:

• diminish your credibility: Over-apologizing can make you seem unsure of yourself or your abilities.

• make you appear overly sensitive: Constantly apologizing for minor offenses can make you seem fragile and easily offended.

• hinder your assertiveness: Apologizing excessively can make it difficult for you to assert your boundaries and needs.

So, how can you strike a balance between acknowledging mistakes and maintaining your self-respect?

• Be mindful of your language: Use phrases like "I understand" or "I apologize for" instead of a blanket "I'm sorry."

• Take responsibility without excessive self-blame: Acknowledge your mistakes without beating yourself up.

• Focus on solutions: Instead of apologizing for a mistake, focus on how you'll fix it.

Remember, it's okay to make mistakes.

And it’s OK to own your SNAFUs when they happen (and they will).

We're all human.

By being mindful of your apologies, you can empower yourself and build stronger relationships.

So, be sorry less often and when you do screw up, own your mistake and make yourself accountable and responsible. By incorporating these small changes into your everyday interactions you come across as a stronger, more capable person.

Sorry about that.

As always, thanks for reading.

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P.S. Next time on Shaking the Tree … Stop worrying about trivial nonsense.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Originally from the U.K., Gary Bloomer is a writer, branding advocate, marketing specialist, and an award-winning graphic designer.
His design work has been included in Creative Review (one of the UK’s largest design magazines). Since 2009, he has answered over 5,000 marketing and business questions in the Know-How Exchange of MarketingProfs.com, placing him among the top 3% of contributors. He lives in Wilmington, Delaware, USA.